Better Girlfriend

I have been on and off with the same guy for a little over a year (it was a year December 14th). I have always been in love with him. He was the one that finally had to figure out that he really did love me. He ended it more than twice over the course of a year but he always came back. According to my mom, it’s because he found someone better but when she didn’t want him, he came back to me. I would like to believe otherwise. We are long distance and officially have never met (mom does not know that). 

But we are dating again. And this time, it has lasted longer than the other times. I would like for it to continue. But right now, he is “kind of” happy with us and with me. And it frightens me. I can’t be just friends with him. I cannot. All those times that we were “off” killed me. I could never move on. I struggled with trying to move on but never being able to get over him. I flirted with guys, went on some dates, but was always texting him. I couldn’t let him go. I still can’t. That’s why I am trying to figure out how to make him happy with us again. 

I know I need to fix some things. Like the way that I nag him about stuff. Or the way that when we have nothing to say to each other, I still insist on us talking which he hates. And I need to make sure I give him his own time too. But then what else? How do I fix this? I am struggling to keep it together now as I type because the thought of losing him is unbearable so of course the thought of him being “kind of” happy does not help at all. 

I gotta figure out to fix it. 

I gotta quit nagging him. But I don’t really know what I nag him about.. 

I do have my own hobbies but when I do mine, he is never doing his, and he complains saying I don’t put him first. But I do. And I don’t know what to do because when I try to have my own hobbies (he said I needed to) but when I do, he gets mad, or hates on them or he says I am wasting my time (for example, I have taken up horseback riding. I love it. But he thinks it’s stupid unless I am ever going to own a horse <<I want too! But I have always wanted to horseback ride but my mom never let me so I have now started because I can pay for them on my own. But he hates it. So, I try to go while he is in class instead of when he isn’t.) 

But honestly, I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand the fact that he isn’t all the way happy with us… 


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