True Love

I have been in love before. But there have been a couple problems with my love. One, the guy I have been in love with, our on and off relationships have lasted a max of 2 months. My longest relationship is 2 months and 13 days and that was in 7th grade.. The closest I’ve came to that is 2 months and 10 days with the guy I am referring to. :/ Second, I have never had a good love. Not one that made me want to take a ton of pictures of us and post them on all social networks. The ex I am referring to, I wanted to do all that but we were long distance and he didn’t love me enough (I assume) to come down here and see me.

So, I have decided that I am giving up. I am giving God complete control over my love life. When I saw a cute guy, I used to be very bold and go up to him and ask for his number or add him on Facebook. I used to be the chaser. But now, I am going to let the guys come to me. Have them chase me. I want a guy to chase me soo bad. I want a guy to fight for me. I want a guy to like me for me and not want just sex from me. There have 3 guys that I have had really great dates with (well only 2 I have had dates with) and the other one, we just snap chatted and texted a lot and all 3 of them made me happy. All 3 made me feel special and like they wanted me. One of them even did a kiss that he grabbed my face and pulled it to him (like the one in the middle of the collage–my favorite pic and the one thing I love when a guy does and you can tell he really wants to kiss her) but 1 of them said he only wanted a hookup. The other 2 have persisted in asking for sex. As I told my guy friend, I suspect I am unlovable and just fuckable (excuse my language but it makes sense with that word). He told me to hush and to not talk like that. But it’s true…


Collage Information: I stole these pics from Instagram because this is the type of love I want. A guy that will take cute kissy photos with me to post. A guy that looks like he loves me, which is what these guys look like. My favorite photo is the center of the collage because it’s the one thing I have always wanted in a relationship. <<Of course the guy who does it to me, doesn’t want me for anything but sex..




When You Love Someone

1. You seek their company (spend time with them)

2. You talk for hours (talking and listening)

3. You pray for them

4. You think about them

5. You become best friends

6. You discuss issues of life

7. You have a servant’s heart about them

**You will love the ones you seek out.**


When what you do becomes a habit or duty, the love wanes. 


Stated above is a list that was made in my small group at Church. 

I realized that I do love people (friends) but I don’t do all that is required for loving someone. I also realized that the ex that I am still in love with, I remember him mentioning how talking to me became a habit and maybe that’s why he quit loving me. We would talk for hours but we didn’t spend any time together, physically. I claimed he was my best friend but I wasn’t his towards the end. I’m slacking in my duties to my friends that I love. 

But this works with any relationship that you have: parents, friends, siblings, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, grandparents, mentor, etc. 

Do you feel as if this list is correct? Would you add anything else to it? Comment below on your thoughts. 

Better Girlfriend

I have been on and off with the same guy for a little over a year (it was a year December 14th). I have always been in love with him. He was the one that finally had to figure out that he really did love me. He ended it more than twice over the course of a year but he always came back. According to my mom, it’s because he found someone better but when she didn’t want him, he came back to me. I would like to believe otherwise. We are long distance and officially have never met (mom does not know that). 

But we are dating again. And this time, it has lasted longer than the other times. I would like for it to continue. But right now, he is “kind of” happy with us and with me. And it frightens me. I can’t be just friends with him. I cannot. All those times that we were “off” killed me. I could never move on. I struggled with trying to move on but never being able to get over him. I flirted with guys, went on some dates, but was always texting him. I couldn’t let him go. I still can’t. That’s why I am trying to figure out how to make him happy with us again. 

I know I need to fix some things. Like the way that I nag him about stuff. Or the way that when we have nothing to say to each other, I still insist on us talking which he hates. And I need to make sure I give him his own time too. But then what else? How do I fix this? I am struggling to keep it together now as I type because the thought of losing him is unbearable so of course the thought of him being “kind of” happy does not help at all. 

I gotta figure out to fix it. 

I gotta quit nagging him. But I don’t really know what I nag him about.. 

I do have my own hobbies but when I do mine, he is never doing his, and he complains saying I don’t put him first. But I do. And I don’t know what to do because when I try to have my own hobbies (he said I needed to) but when I do, he gets mad, or hates on them or he says I am wasting my time (for example, I have taken up horseback riding. I love it. But he thinks it’s stupid unless I am ever going to own a horse <<I want too! But I have always wanted to horseback ride but my mom never let me so I have now started because I can pay for them on my own. But he hates it. So, I try to go while he is in class instead of when he isn’t.) 

But honestly, I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand the fact that he isn’t all the way happy with us… 


well..i had a post here.. and somehow it disappeared.. I’m not very happy about that..I typed a lot of words.. And I went to publish it.. and it said published and then I went to view it.. and it was blank… All those words.. POOF! GONE! Very disappointing.. So this is what you get instead..I am not retyping that again. ….



Multi-Lingual Children

Today, in class we talked about how when a child is younger than 3, they have the ability to learn more than one language and be able to retain the information. I would like to do that to my future children. My professor said no more than 3 languages per child but it would be so fascinating if I could have my children be multi-lingual. But the problem lies with how that would happen. Because in order for the languages to sink in, the child has to have constant communication with someone (not Dora, a live human being) who speaks that particular language. That’s where the problem comes…
I would like my children to speak: German, Italian, Spanish, and French.
Now to find people who speak those languages… Lol

With Love,